An Idiot’s Guide to being a Brazilian Beach Bum

A visit to a Brazilian beach is a major highlight for all tourists to the country, especially in Rio de Janeiro. But you are making a big mistake – nobody wants to see a dumb tourist in these parts! The beaches of Brazil are the stomping ground for the locals to ply their trade and strut their stuff – and tourists can stick out like a sore thumb as they attempt to sit in their deck chairs and read their Kindle. Here are some an Idiot’s Guide on how to make the most of your time beside the seaside, and make sure you fit in like one of the local beach bums!

The less clothes the better!
The less clothes the better!

The first rule you must remember is that clothes are NOT part of the image of a true Brazilian beach bum. I don’t think I have ever seen a fully-clothed guy or girl on the beach in Brazil, and quite frankly, the less clothes you wear, the better you will fit in!

Always drink beer when on Brazilian beaches!
Always drink beer when on Brazilian beaches!

A trip to a beach in Brazil is a great time to enjoy some local beer, and this is certainly rule number 2! You’ve applied that sun tan and found yourself a spot on the sand to relax, yet all this is completely pointless without some responsible alcohol consumption!

Could you be the next Neymar?
Could you be the next Neymar?

Rule number 3 is that everybody in Brazil plays football, right? Or at least volleyball? The point I’m trying to make is – BRING A BALL TO THE BEACH WITH YOU! You will become a magnet for other players and you can show off your skills to the rest of the beach!

All Brazilians can surf, right?
All Brazilians can surf, right?

When the sand gets too hot for you, it’s time to get in the water – but Brazilian beach bums don’t actually swim, do they?! NO! Most of them get the nearest surfboard they can find and ride the waves and partake in rule number 4! It is yet another way (much like the football) to show off their masculinity!

The more the merrier - don't be a loner!
The more the merrier – don’t be a loner!

The final rule of being a Brazilian beach bum is perhaps the most important rule of all – GO WITH FRIENDS! The more people you can chillax with, the better. You can laugh, you can joke, and of course you can show off to the rest of the group! After all, the beer and the surfing always tastes better with other people to enjoy it all with!

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2 thoughts on “An Idiot’s Guide to being a Brazilian Beach Bum

  1. For an Indoesian like me, it seems so tough to enjoy the Brazilian beach with this guide. But, it will be an extraordinary experiences as well if I can follow your guide Lee. Nice article anyway 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i’d be too intimidated to visit a beach in brazil. i often avoid beaches because i’m as pale as casper and burn easily. but if i ever travel there, i’ll be sure to prepare myself with tons of sunblock lotion, preferably the SPF 100+

    Like

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